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Thursday, December 5, 2013

Nothing is Ever Good Enough for Me - I am Never Satisfied

I came to the realization, yet again, that I am never satisfied with anything.  This is not a new revelation, we’ve talked about it before; it stops me from making many major decisions in my life to the point where I can be crippled.  I live with things that would be unacceptable to many others for way too long simply because I fear that there could be something better.  For example: I have a dream of the perfect purse, it is most likely a couple thousand dollar Prada or a Louis bag, not something in the budget for me.  I understand that, I have fully accepted it.  So instead of purchasing a beautiful purse in my price range or saving my shekels for a more luxurious option, I carry around an old purse that my mother discarded years ago. 

My daughter slept in her toddler bed way past her toddler years (she’s five now) because I could not commit to bedroom furniture.  Not that we couldn’t afford it, but more that I couldn’t choose.  What if I chose the wrong set?  What if something better lurked at the next store?  What if I bought a set and then found the perfect set online the very next day?  I am never satisfied with anything.

It’s not just things…stuff…my expectations are set way too high on everything else as well.  My poor husband can barely take the trash out right.  For the most part I do my best to  not nag, but those of you who know me, know that whatever is in my head usually comes straight out of my mouth…immediately after it’s…in…my…head.  That blog post will be another day and much longer.  Foot–in-mouth syndrome is a big problem over here.

The point of this blog post is not necessarily to make me sound like the most awful nagging wife with a horrible greed problem, but it is to point out that happiness is not found in perfection.  Maybe that’s what I have to remember: finding true happiness is about not caring whether everything is exactly the way I plan or imagine or dream.  It is okay if I don’t live like a Norman Rockwell painting, no one really does. 

Even when the devil is in the back of my head telling me that everyone has it all together except for me.  Happiness, real happiness is found when you love who you are and who you are with and it doesn’t matter what kind of purse you have.  Think about it, when you are truly happy with your family and friends are you really thinking about your stuff?  Even I’m not.  I’m thinking about my family and how happy they make me.  Well…I might still find happiness in a purse someday, if I can commit.